Getting Through the Valley
Posted: Wednesday, July 23, 2008
by Michelle VanderHeide, BSW
Horizons Developmental Remediation Center
I've just returned to work after having several weeks off for maternity leave. (I have the most fabulous little boy added to my family!) Upon my return, I found that a handful of my families have entered into crisis mode. It's a hard place to be, and my heart hurts for them. It's a place in which we all have found ourselves; and when the journey is complete, we always find ourselves in a better place. It's the "you have to go through the valley to get to the mountains" outlook. In my years of consulting, I've seen many families travel through valleys. Development (autism or not) does that! As children grow, they have to find themselves, test the boundaries, and find out where the boundaries lie. It's hard, very hard to get them through these times; but wow is it cool to see the view on the other side!
- Take some time to sit back and reflect on what's going on. Is it really worth being in crisis over? Have we been here before? If so, how did we get out of it? Many times we've been through similar circumstances and we were resilient to make it through. So guess what? You can and will make it through this valley as well!
- Talk to a trusted friend or guide. Have them help you to think rationally. It's very common to enter this time and just start spinning, actually making things worse! Someone who is not a part of your crisis can help you to think rationally and make good decisions, rather than rash, snap judgments.
- Allow yourself to cry. This is a wonderful way to release some of that built up adrenaline that's rushing through your body. It's a great relief and once a good cry takes place you can often get up and start the fight!
- Journal! Sometimes just getting your thoughts down on paper can help organize the chaos that is continually spinning through your head. Once the chaotic thoughts are organized, you can begin thinking clearly again. It serves as a release to get it out of your system. If you find it helpful, cry while you journal. You may find yourself extremely renewed!
- If you believe in prayer, take time to pray. It feels good to give your worries to someone else!
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)hi michelle,i enjoyed this article, and agree with it totally.i've been in the valley, and i've been to the mountains, and the valley usually contains the steps to the mountain. well written article,best regards,sue thomp.s. i also forgot to say congrats on your new little baby boy
Hello, Michelle. I loved your article. You have shared some truly honest and helpful thoughts with us. My family has just topped a mountain of horrific problems and as we look down in the valley on the other side, the down side looks like a California burned out forest. Prayer is the only thing that sustains us now. Hopefully soon we will begin to see the tender shoots of new growth as we start down that steep incline. Thanks for reassuring us with your words of wisdom.Sandra
P.S. I forgot to say, congratulations on the new baby boy.Sandra
Congratulations for your new baby boy! A precious gift from God. Thank you for your article. As any family we have our mountains and valleys. It seems as though our mountain top experiences often make us laugh at the valleys. We always pray, pray and pray along with your other suggestions. One thing I remember being told would be, "You get to choose your battles." So what is really important is our response, not reaction, to what is happening around us.
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